As I head out of the office tomorrow to go visit my Mother In Law for Thanksgiving, I wanted to take a moment and share my favorite holiday poem written by my friend Dave Mulligan. I often recite this right at the Thanksgiving dinner table, and most people find it to be very entertaining.
Enjoy your holiday!
by Dave Mulligan
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out to the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of Black November!
“Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you’ll get six meals instead of just three,
And soon you’ll be thick, where you once were thin,
And you’ll grow a big rubber thing under your chin;
And then one morning, when you’re warm in your bed,
In’ll burst the farmer’s wife and hack off your head;
Then she’ll pluck out all your feathers, so you’re bald and pink,
And scoop out your guts and leave ya layin’ in the sink;
And then comes the worse part,” he said not bluffing,
“She’ll spread your cheeks and pack your ass with stuffing.”
Well, the rest of his words we’re to grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I’d have to lay low and remain overlooked.
I stared a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries and chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed.
But ‘twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed ever closer to death;
And, sure enough, when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound.
So now I’m a pet in the farmer’s wife’s lap;
I haven’t a worry, I eat and I nap.
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said: “Christmas is coming.”